The Ballad Of Dorothy Parker

Dorothy was a waitress on the promenade
She worked the night shift
Dishwater blonde, tall and fine
She got a lot of tips

Well, earlier I’d been talkin’ stuff in a violent room
Fightin’ with lover’s past
I needed someone with a quicker wit than mine
Dorothy was fast

Well, I ordered – “Yeah, let me get a fruit cocktail, I ain’t 2 hungry”
Dorothy laughed
She said – “It sound like a real man 2 me (U’re kinda cute)
U’re kinda cute, U wanna take a bath?” (Do U wanna, do U wanna?) … Bath?

Oh, I said – “Cool, but I’m leavin’ my pants on (What U say?)
Cuz I’m kinda goin’ with someone”
She said – “Sound like a real man 2 me
Mind if I turn on the radio?”

“Oh, my favorite song,” she said
And it was Joni singing, “Help me, I think I’m falling”
(Drring) The phone rang and she said
“Whoever’s calling can’t be as cute as U”
Right then and there I knew I was through (Dorothy Parker was cool)

Well

My pants were wet, they came off
But she didn’t see the movie cuz she hadn’t read the book first

Instead she pretended she was blind
An affliction brought on by a witch’s curse
Dorothy made me laugh (ha ha, ha ha)
I felt much better so I went back 2 the violent room
(Tell us what U did, what U did) Let me tell U what I did

I took another bubble bath with my pants on
All the fighting stopped
Next time I’ll do it sooner
This is the ballad of Dorothy Parker
(Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker)
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker

Well
Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker
Well
Oh