I Can’t Do It Alone

Announcer (spoken)
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelly in an act of desperation.

Velma (sings)
My sister and I had an act that couldn’t flop.
My sister and I were headed straight for the top.
My sister and I earned a though a week, at least, oh yeah!
But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased.
I know it’s sad of course, but a fact, is still a fact!
And now all that remains, is the remains, of a perfect-double-act!

Velma (spoken)
Watch this!
We have to imagine it with two people-it’s swell with two people!

Velma (sings)
First I’d…
Then she’d…
Then we’d…
But I can’t do it alone!

Then she’d…
Then I’d…
Then we’d…
But I can’t do it alone!

She’d say, “What’s your sister like?”
I’d say, “Men!”
She’d say, “You’re the cat’s meow!”
And we’d wow the crowd again!

When she’d go…
I’d go…
We’d go…
Then those ding-dong daddies started a roar, whistled, stomped, banged on the floor, yelling, screaming, begging for
moooooore…!
And we’d say,”Ok, fellas, keep your socks up-‘cause you ain’t seen NOTHING yet!”
But I simply cannot do it…aaaloooooone…!

Velma (spoken)
So what do you think, huh? Come on… you can say.

Roxie (spits her tongue at her)
Prrrt…!

Velma (spoken)
I know, you’re right, the first part’s shit. But the second part? The second part is REALLY nifty!
Ok!

Velma (sings)
She’d go…
I’d go…
We’d go…
And then those two-bit Johnnys did it up brown, to cheer the best attraction in town, they nearly tore the balcony
doooooown…!
And we’d say, “Ok, boys, we’re going home! But before we go, there’s a few more parting shots! And this, this, we did in
PERFECT UNISON!”

Now ya see me going through it!
You may think there’s nothing to it!
But I simply cannot do it…aloooooone…!