Dr. West (Skit)

“Morning, Marshall.”
“Morning, doc.”
“So we’re discharging you today, how are you feeling?”
“Anxious.”
“Anxiety?”
“Well, anxious to get home, anxious to get back into the world. Nervous.”
“Nervous? C’mon, Marshall, you’re a big boy now.

Sounding like a bit of a baby, you can do this. You found a sponsor yet?”
“Um, not yet. I mean, but when I get back”
“Well, if you find one, you find one. If you don’t, you don’t.”
“Well, yeah, I mean I godda start going to meetings first and… Wait, what?”
“Well, you don’t absolutely have to go to meetings

and it’s not like like a requirement that they fit into your shedule, we know you’re a busy person.”
“But I thought sobriety was the most important thing?”
“So what else are you thinking?”
“Um, well, I know I godda start practising the steps,

and I mean learning them, and start being able to apply them.”
“Steps?”
“Yeah, steps.”
“There’s a lot of them, aren’t there?
“Well, twelve.”
“Christ, I don’t even know them all.”
“Really?”
“Anything else?”
“Um, well, I mean the only other question I have was like,

what do I do if I find myself in a situation where maybe somebody is drinking around me

or something like that and I get tempted to?”
“Take a drink.”
“What?”
“Take a drink and y’know, take the edge off.”
“Take the edge off? Man, if I ever take a drink I already know what that’s gonna lead me to.”
“What, you mean these?” *shakes pills*
“Man, what the fuck!?”
“Marhsall, what’s the matter, darling? Having some doubts are we?

Marshall, you can’t leave me, you’ll never leave me,

Marshall. We’ll always be together, Marshall. Marshall…? Marshall!?
“No, no, no, no, NO!”